Fun with telemarketers

September 2, 2010 by
Filed under: Newbie Info 

One concept that bears examining is the idea of the OODA Loop. Simply put, when attempting to make strategic decisions you have to go through four phases of thought:

  • Observe — You examine the situation around you. For example, you note that the driver in the car in front of you has slammed on their brakes and is rapidly loosing speed.
  • Orient — You “understand” the situation you are observing. For example, you note that at your present rate of speed, you will slam into the car in front of you with a sickening crunch.
  • Decide — You choose a path of action. You decide to hit the brakes.
  • Act — You act on your decision. You hit the brakes, stopping in time, and thus avoiding an accident.

What is interesting about the OODA loop is that it can be interrupted. If it is, the reactor must then begin the loop again. For example, if the car in front of me suddenly lays off the brakes and instead hits the gas, I have to start over at “observe”. One of the important parts of having a plan in the event of Bad Things happening is that it gets you through the “Orient” phase as quickly as possible. Instead of standing there asking yourself “What’s happening?”, you can tell yourself “Do this…” and move on.
Which brings us to the telemarketer. There is an expected order of operations in a telemarketing call. The telemarketer calls you. You listen as long as you need to to confirm that it is a telemarketer. You then politely (or if you are Stingray less than politely) tell the telemarketer to pound sand. (I’d have gone with “Fuck off” but this is a family blog.) Then you hang up.
But think of the fun if you get inside their OODA loop! One of Mrs. Newbie’s favorite tricks:

*Ring, Ring*
Mrs. Newbie: “Hello?”
Telemarketer: “Hello, Mrs. Newbie. I am calling from the RNC…”
Mrs. Newbie: “Oh, I’m sorry. My husband doesn’t let me spend money without his permission.”
Telemarketer: “????”

Great fun!
Tonight, I was basking in the glow of my pot roast, when lo and behold we got a call from a local telemarketer. I’d had a half bottle of wine, and decided to get inside their OODA loop.

*Ring, Ring*
(Newbie Shooter notes that is a call from a number that has been calling a lot. It’s a telemarketer.)
Newbie Shooter: “5372?” (In the voice of the guy from Thunderball.)
Telemarketer: “Um…hello?”
Newbie Shooter: “5372. Confirm launch sequence 5372.”
Telemarketer: “Um…hello?”
Newbie Shooter: “Launch sequence ‘hello’ confirmed. Code 5372. Get to a place of safety immediately!”

*CLICK*

Maybe it is the Pino Grigio, but I laughed and laughed….

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Comments

One Comment on Fun with telemarketers

  1. Dod on Fri, 3rd Sep 2010 12:50 pm

    2. That’s much more fun and carries a much lower risk of jail time than some alternatives. Nice!

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